At a recent meeting, the suggested topic was 'Split Second'. This little dialogue piece was my contribution.
Split Second Murder
“Let’s go over it again. What happened, exactly?”
“I don’t know, Officer – it was so quick.”
“Look, sir, a man is dead, and you’re the only witness! There was no CCTV covering that area, and apart from the suspect, no other customers. We really need you to tell us everything you saw.”
“OK, then. Well – I was eating at one of the outside tables. I was late for lunch, so, like you say, there was only me there. Me and this couple.”
“Can you describe them?”
“The man was in his fifties, I suppose. Very big man.”
“Overweight, you mean?”
“I suppose so. I wouldn’t want to be rude, but my first thought when I saw him was – well, officer, he was fat!”
“I see. And the woman?”
“About the same age. Skinny as a rake.”
“And you could hear their conversation?”
“I did my best not to. But they were loud, both of them. And it wasn’t really a conversation, more of a continuous argument.”
“What were they arguing about?”
“Everything. But mostly about food. He was eating too much, and it was costing too much, and she was fed up with paying good money to see him stuff his face! She didn’t eat enough, she talked too much, she didn’t make the money anyway ... it went on like that, through three courses. Three courses for him, she only had a salad.”
“Were any threats made?”
“Not directly. She kept saying that food would be death of him. He said she’d be the death of him.”
“OK. So then what happened?”
“He’d had a banana split. A huge one. They do this mega-split special, two banana’s and a massive pile of ice-cream, with cream, sauce, nuts – you name it. He finished the entire thing, whilst she watched and criticised. Then he said he was going to have another, and she was furious. Told him that she’d had enough of his guzzling, and he wasn’t going to have another thing! Not even coffee. Then she went off to the loo, told him to pay the bill and be ready to leave as soon as she got back.”
“Did he?”
“Not likely! As soon as she’d gone, he called the waitress over and ordered another mega-split special. And asked for extra cream on it! Said that the first one was too dry! Anyhow, it came quite quickly, and he was already tucking in when she got back.”
“And did she say anything?”
“Not a word. She just stood looking – and there was no expression at all on her face. She just stared, and he stared back, all defiant.”
“Was that when she attacked him?”
“That’s right. She just stepped forward, picked up his plate with the mega-split special, and pushed it into his face. Pushed, and pushed and pushed – both arms. He went over backwards in the chair, and she went after him, still pushing and pushing ... I didn’t know what to do, I shouted for help, and some of the staff came out. Together, we managed to pull her off him. He just lay there; face purple and mouth full of bananas. Someone tried to resuscitate him, but it was too late. He was already dead. Just like that. Gone in the second split.”