Cast: Prince Charming Paul Trembling
Snow White Anne Trembling
Skinny Thomas Trembling
Stumpy Matthew Trembling
Happy Andrew Trembling
Hoppy The Rabbit
Smelly Andrew Trembling’s Nappies
Grumpy Paul Trembling (especially first thing in the morning)
The Wicked Witch Annie Trembling (when occasion demands)
Scene 1 (The Dwarves living room. Snow White is trying to change Smelly, whilst Skinny and Stumpy argue over the computer game. Enter Prince Charming, just back from his new job as an Assistant Scenes of Crime Officer with Nottinghamshire Police.Prince Charming: “Hello, I’m home!”
Happy “eh-o dadi!” (Leaves Smelly behind, runs up for a hug).
Prince Charming: “Look at him move - what a turn of speed!”
Snow White: “I know. I spend all day chasing him.”
Prince Charming “Had a hard day?” (Using sensitive voice).
Snow White: “You could say that. I’m thinking of changing my name to
‘Snowed-Under’. If I had a poisoned apple, I’d eat it. Happy won’t stand still, Skinny won’t shut up and Stumpy’s been misbehaving at Nursery again. I’ll be glad when he goes to full time school in January.
Prince Charming: “Let’s hope he settles down a bit then. He needs the extra
Snow White “I need the head space.”
Skinny (interrupting) “Please can I go and play out on my skate board, please can I Please I’ll be back for tea I promise please thanks bye!” (Sound of door slamming).
Prince Charming “Did you actually say yes?”
Snow White “I think my head twitched.”
Prince Charming “That’s all it takes. I suppose he’s still excited over coming
second in the kick boxing contest.”
Snow White “And over being in the Scout Gang Show next year. And about
his girlfriend dumping him.”
Prince Charming “Why is that exciting?”
Snow White “Because he’s saved £7.50 for her Christmas Present which he can spend on himself. Plus he doesn’t have to do any more chores to earn money. But how was your day?”
Prince Charming “Oh the usual. A bit of property from a burglary at a police station, a few stolen cars. Recovered a bit of saliva for DNA- not many fingerprints, though. We’re not finding as many now the weather’s got colder and wetter. It’s still a lot better than being in an office, though!”
Snow White “You’ve certainly been a lot less Grumpy since you started this
Prince Charming “And you haven’t been the Wicked Witch as often lately.”
Snow White “The child-minding work has been a bit easier, recently. I
could do with more time to prepare for Sunday School, but we’ve had some good times there, which is encouraging.”
Prince Charming “It’s the most encouraging thing that’s happening in the
Church. We’re desperately short of leaders in nearly every area.”
Snow White “I know - but for the moment we’re committed to stick with it. We could do with some more spiritual food though.”
Happy (pointing to the window) “Ark! Ark!”
Prince Charming “What’s he saying - oh, Dark. His speech is coming along fast now!”
Snow White “Yes, though I wish he wouldn’t call me ‘dadi’.
Prince Charming “It’s just his word for anyone who will pick him up. But I’d better get out and feed Hoppy before it gets any arker!”
Snow White “And then it’ll be time to get these Dwarves fed, bathed and in bed.”
Prince Charming “And then we get a quiet evening?”
Snow White “And then I take Skinny to scouts, while you get on and write
our Christmas letter.”
Grumpy “There’s always something!”
Snow White “And don’t forget to sing ‘Whistle while you work’!
(Exit Grumpy, humming the tune grumpily. Exit Happy, shouting ‘oppy!’ happily.)